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Bitter and Broken

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WomanSavers.com [05 Jan 2007|02:03pm]

[ mood | disappointed ]

Dear Ass-wipe,

I posted you on http://www.womansavers.com for all the world to see how you cheated on me and hurt me emotionally and physically. I pray that you will never hurt another but I know because you are good looking and charming, another prey will fall trap in your web of lies.

Someday a greater power will judge you but until that time I will let the world know my story.

Forever Scarred

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Is there help from this point? [06 Sep 2005|02:06am]

I genuinely do not know what I am doing from this point. Or from many points before it in time. I was with a girl for about 13/14 months, then I broke up with - we had become more friends than lovers. She seemed understanding at the time and wanted to remain my friend. I saw NO problem at the time, so I agreed. That was Xmas 03/04. She calls me at least once a day and has visited me on a 4 times a year (if not more regularly) basis for a while now. I acknowledged the fact I was using her but she seemed to ignore it. It wasn't until i told her I had a g/f (being male myself) that she made the last ditch effort flight to see me. At AUD$900 for a return flight, booked a week in advance for a 3 day holiday she really pushed her budget. After our conversations (and her "goodbye"-ings) I told her she genuinely needed to see a proffessional. When she got home she did and is now on Zoloft which actually seems to make her slightly less stable. What do I do? I can't bring myself to be rude and change my mobile (cell) phone number, but the continued contact doesn't benefit either of us in reality. I CAN'T move on and she WON'T move on. I have a new g/f and I can't keep it going - I don't know if I feel like dating a boy again or not - and she has turned downed multiple off supposedly... help?
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ok my first time [06 Feb 2005|02:21pm]

[ mood | confused ]

yeah so this is my first time posting on this.

so here goes.

i've known this guy for all my life basically. he lives in philly and i live in boston. he's the best thing ever. i love him soo much. he's the sweetest guy you can ever find. we've been goin out for the past 4 years. but i've broken up with him like twice. now we're not together...but i still love him. he still calls me. i broke up with him cause of my parents. and i dont know. its really hard having a long distnance relationship. i'm also in a winter percussion at my high school. which takes up all my time. and we hardly get to talk. i'm talkin to him right now. um anyways. i want to move on. but he doesnt. well actually i feel like i'm holding him down and i cant deal with things...without him. but i want a boyfriend....in my percussion. cause..if i dont the relationship wont work.

yeah so i dont know what to do....

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[17 Jan 2005|01:28am]


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[14 Jan 2005|12:16am]

join the beautiful and elite of all kinds...first 3 who join and fill out application will be auto accepted!

@ miss_beaut
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[13 Jan 2005|11:35am]

Ugh...It's been since August and i still haven't gotten over this chick jasmine! I should be, I mean it was nothing really...I just really liked her and allowed her to play with my emotions (note to self. NOT GOOD) I know I didn’t mean anything to her, everything she said were all fucking lies only saying things to get something in return-that fucking bitch! YES SHES A FUCKING BITCH! I FUCKING HATE HER! SO WHY THE FUCK DO I STILL CARE, WHY THE FUCK DO I STILL DREAM ABOUT HER, WHY THE FUCK IS SHE STILL IN MY FUCKING HEAD?! I wish she knew what she's done to me, even though I know the last thing she's going to do is care. I hope one day when she's so fucking high someone rapes her or beat her to death! (okay that was a lie) but I just wish someone does the same thing she did to me but then again why bother, she'll be to fucked up to realize anything anyways!--so anyone up for digging their faces in a bucket of chocolate chip cookie dough ice-cream?!
2 comments|post comment

[10 Jan 2005|09:55pm]

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[02 Jan 2005|10:39pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

Moving on seems too hard, too unreachable right now. I am still hurt daily by little things he does or doesn't do, but I cannot seem to let go. I know I have to...I know I need to. Why is it so hard? He was my soul mate...my best friend. But he doesn't love me as I love him. He just lies to me, and hurts me. How could my heart be so wrong? How could I be so mistaken? How could he do all this to me?

2 comments|post comment

broken [01 Jan 2005|08:05pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

She turned out to be the same as every guy I ever had a relationship with. Only, for some reason, this time it hurts more. My heart is never going to be the same.

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I'm neww.... [27 Sep 2004|07:47pm]

[ mood | amused ]

hi, im new. a few basics... My name is Sami, I'm a freshmen. I'm 14. My favorite colors are pink and brown. and i my favorite bands are, fall out boy, taking back sunday, brand new, the f-ups + more.

my boy problems... I like this guy named Kramer, and we have always kinda had a thing, after every huge break up, i would find myself going back to Kramer. but he always hooks up with other girls, he hasnt in a long time, cuz we have been like "together" but we arnt going out. and we've been off and on for almost 3 years, i guess you could say, and we have never done anything, besides kiss. thats not really a huge thing for me, but its kinda werid we both gone kinda far with other people, but for some reason we just never do anything.

i always get so jealous because all the girls love Kramer, because his soo hot. so i just get worried that he'll find someone better, and i dont think i could handle it, if he did find someone better. and all the time people tell me his gunna ask me out, but it never happens, but like thats okay i guess but i just want to be reasured, that he wont i guess like leave me. i just want everything to work out, but i dont know how to make it work.

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boys boys boys.... [16 Sep 2004|09:39am]

[ mood | crushed ]

I met this guy and he was WONDERFUL!! We hung out a few times and it was great! Or at least I thought it was... I don't know what HE thought... I thought I had met the man of my dreams... I have very high standards and when I found out that he's not like other guys, I was so happy I wanted to cry! But I was waiting for the flaw.... Now this is where we're at:

about a month ago he picked me up and we went back to his house really late at night/early morning. I was there the night before and nothing happened and I was bit upset cuz I wanted to kiss him so bad... so I called him after he dropped me off and told him to come back so I could kiss him. and he did. :) So anyway... the next night when he picked me up he told me I had to stay longer than I did the night before. Pff fine with me!! :) so we got all cuddley and kissy kissy and it was great and I really thought it could be leading somewhere.... Well we hung out like a week after that at the mall and it was jus real breif because he had somewhere to go and I had to go to work. And he went on vacation shortly after... I decided I wasn't going to call him and bug him while he was on vacation. When he got back, he got online and we talked a little bit but it wasn't much... he didn't have much to say which was weird considering he had jus gotten back from a week of partying and chillin out. I assumed it was jus because he was tired...

Well he sent me a few text messages since then but they were all when I was asleep. Now he won't return my calls... This really hurts me because I thought he wasn't like all the other guys that was just going to use me and drop me. Turns out I was wrong. :( So I decided not to call him anymore. I tried... and if he wants to contact me/hang out or whatever, he has my number and he has not excuse not to call. I'm trying my hardest to stay strong... *sigh* I knew he was too good to be true.... :'(

On a lighter note, I talked to my ex last night and without going into too many details, the break up was really bad because we had been together for 16 months, and it was great, but it jus reached the point where I knew it could go back to the way it was. And I did stuff afterward to hurt him really bad and we didn't talk at all this summer. (broke up in april)

Here's part of the convo. It's shortCollapse )

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[12 Aug 2004|02:35pm]

[ mood | sad ]

Ok - this will be my first time posting in here, but I cant really explain what all happened with this guy...all I know is I am completely heart broken </3! Here is part of our conversation from last night. 

* i still know the way to make your make-up run*

the jORGASM: if you want to think that you can
xixscreamxtearsx: well .. if ya did or do..whatever the case maybe...then why did you do what you did
the jORGASM: i don't know...I'm not going to argue about this
xixscreamxtearsx: im not arguing.. im asking
the jORGASM: well, we've gone through this many times
the jORGASM: and i don't have anything new to say
the jORGASM: I don't want to be an ass hole about this
the jORGASM: do you remember when you told me about you cutting yourself
the jORGASM: i made you promise you would never do it again
the jORGASM: i did that because i cared about you...and i still do
the jORGASM: when you told me you found your blade that you used to cut yourself, and i told you to throw it away...and you said you did.....
the jORGASM: i was so glad
the jORGASM: you cannot say i never cared about you
xixscreamxtearsx: well...not enough
the jORGASM: well, then I'm sorry it wasn't enough
the jORGASM: i don't know what else to say
xixscreamxtearsx: i find this funny - dont take this the worng way or anything
the jORGASM: what do you find funny
xixscreamxtearsx: but you made me feel so amazing, you told me all these great things...you told me you loved me....i thought you meant it. Saying it and meaning it are 2 different things. and i felt that i was never good enough for you, i thought that you deserved so much more than i could ever give you...more than me. and in the end, i guess i was right... i wasnt good enough...b/c you had to try someone else. I mean you knew all the pain ive been through in situations just like these
the jORGASM: you know damn well that's not true
the jORGASM: i was the one that fucked it all up
the jORGASM: it's my fault
the jORGASM: you were great
xixscreamxtearsx: but you still did it. every body keeps telling me i am the one who deserves better... you werent good enough... but i still sit here and think every night.. i lay in my bed and i try to figure out what i did that was so bad to make you do this...
the jORGASM: i just didn't want a relationship
the jORGASM: and i still don't
xixscreamxtearsx: and i still think im not good enough for you
xixscreamxtearsx: if you didnt want one, then why did you drag me down in it?

the jORGASM: i guess I jsut didn't know what I was doing, and instead of talking to you about it, i did what i did
xixscreamxtearsx: yeah -well it hurt more than you will ever know
the jORGASM: well, I'm sorry I hurt you
xixscreamxtearsx: you keep saying that but its not what i hear
xixscreamxtearsx: im thinking more along the lines of .. haha i used you, you meant nothing, thanks....
the jORGASM: well...you can hear what you want
the jORGASM: fuck that
the jORGASM: that's bullshit and you fucking know it
xixscreamxtearsx: i feel like everything i did...and everything i put into the "relationship" was piontless
xixscreamxtearsx: you got something out of it... but what did i get?

the jORGASM: apparently nothing
xixscreamxtearsx: did i miss something?
the jORGASM: i don't know
the jORGASM: did you
xixscreamxtearsx: was i meant to get something out of this besides a broken heart?
the jORGASM: i don't know how to answer that
xixscreamxtearsx: well... try
the jORGASM: if nothing i said before is going to mean anything, then why should i
xixscreamxtearsx: because i need to know
the jORGASM: why do you need to know that
the jORGASM: what will that help
xixscreamxtearsx: is there something?
the jORGASM: that's something you are gonna have to ask yourself
xixscreamxtearsx: what did you want me to out of it
the jORGASM: I'm not going to answer anymore of these questions, because you're just going to turn it around on me
xixscreamxtearsx: no im not
the jORGASM: i hate being like this, but I'm tired of being nice about it
xixscreamxtearsx: well first of all.. i am asking ? - b/c you left me pretty much in the dark about why all this ever happened
xixscreamxtearsx: and i cant hate you-- ive tried
xixscreamxtearsx: your the only one who has hurt me this much and didnt hurt me at all at the same time...if that makes any sense
xixscreamxtearsx: im sorry
xixscreamxtearsx: well whatever...ill see you tuesday - if not then bye

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[08 Jul 2004|08:07pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

Birthday Wishes.....??Collapse )


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[08 Jul 2004|05:21pm]
hey I joined.... and I was just making sure it was ok to post. tahnks :)
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[07 Jul 2004|08:32pm]

[ mood | awake ]

My last relationship was a nightmare. Me and jason were really close and i seriously thought it was true love. Then one day he's like "your friends are immature, and i can't deal with it anymore so good-bye baby" that hurt really bad. Then a month later i was still lovin him and hurting really bad and i told my cousin and she was really supportive and stuff. she saw a picture of him on a notebook of mine and she's like "wickedcityrider" and i was like uh... yeah. She was talking to him the whole time. and they were all lovin up on each other. Me and my cousin decided to play a prank on him and we set him up to meet her somewhere and i was going to be there. and when he saw me he stopped talking. he didn't talk at all. then i finally said "jason. what the fuck is your problem" and the fucker busted up laughing. we ended up being close again and good friends. and the next thing i know my cousin is in my room telling me that her and jason were dating and they were moving to california together. Yeah my heart dropped. i didn't talk to her for awhile. and i was on the verge of killing him. But oh well thats over with. good thing 2. thanks for listening.

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[20 Jun 2004|09:00pm]

God, I hate him. I mean, I could read three words he writes and you have no idea how much hatred boils inside of me. It's the absolute worst feeling in the world, and my assumption is it's hatred, maybe it's something else though. Maybe it's something I've never experienced so I automatically assume it's hatred. It's not a positive feeling though, it's a lot of anger mixed with a little bit of sadness. I don't know what to think anymore.
Like if I see his name or hear someone talk about him, I become a monster inside. Jacob could even see it, he started talking about John and I got really mad and he was like "Go back to your happy place" Ha, but it seriously took me a minute to calm back down.
Ok, so I think I'm almost over John. I don't miss him now, at all. But of course I do miss the past, like when we went to Aspen together. And stupid stuff like that. But I'm still confused as to what I do with the memories. Do I throw them away? Or maybe forget about them? Or maybe act like they never happened? Well I guess I'll just have to figure it out on my own.
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hey there [12 Jun 2004|12:43pm]

hey what's up.. i'm a newbie.. my name is Tess.. i'm From RI... and i'm 19..

9 days ago my Fiance broke up with me...

we dated for a year 1/2.. were engaged for 7 months... and i've known him since we were born.

he's in the air force and he's coming home for good next week... and he decided that he wants to be single when he's home and be 19... and he wants to hook up with other girls... which hurts..

cuz for the past 6 months while he's been away.. i've done everything for him.. i wrote him a letter everyday... i baked him cookies and brownies and sent them overnite to him... i used my money and my frequent flier miles to send his entire family down to see him for his basic training graduation... i put school and work and my career 2nd for him.. i really did everything for him... and it hurts that he can just push our relationship aside like it meant nothing...

like seriously... you don't tell someone you love them and want to marry them and plan the wedding and start picking out babies names and go pick out places to have your wedding and let her start designing her dress and then be liek well i wanna be 19 and live my life as being single...

naw.. if you have a heart.. .and if you really love someone.. you just can't do that.. at all... you really can't...

i'll write more later.. i just can't right now.... i don't have the strength to write anything more...

Peace out
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[12 Jun 2004|09:53am]

Wow, this community is perfect for me!

My boyfriend and I went out for 1 year 4 months. We were perfect, we were best friends, we did everything together, we could just hang out together and have fun, or we could go on a date. We have wonderful memories together, I mean... it was like a dream, a perfect dream.

I woke up one day, and everything had gone to hell. We kept arguing, and I didn't want to lose him as a friend, even if we weren't going out because he was my best friend. So we decided to go on a break and stay friends, and if one day we decided to get back together we could. So while on this break we hung out everyday, we still kissed and still said "I love you" But I kept bringing up the fact that we weren't together, and crying about it. I don't know why; it was my idea to go on the break, but it still hurt. It seemed like as the days went by he pushed me away more and more. During this time on the break he still said things like "I want to be with you forever, but right now I need my time" and "I love you more then anything" So it really confused me because he didn't act like he loved me, especially how he kept drifting away. But then he started hanging out with this guy Stephen, and he became a complete jerk. At school I would talk to John, and one day he told me not to talk to him anymore... But I couldn't give up, so I didn't. I kept trying to talk to him and he kept getting more angry with me. I couldn't understand why he would think it would be so easy for me to give up on him, especially after all we had been through.

Let's just say, now he completely hates me, one day this summer he called me and told me how bad of a person I was. But the thing I don't understand is he was angry at me for "flirting with other guys" and I said well John I'm not completely over you, I'll always... love you and he said "I don't care, but if you still love me you shouldn't flirt with other guys"
It's like he still loves me but hates me, I got a new livejournal so he couldn't read it (I made it friends only) but somehow he continued to read it, and then I found out from his friend he actually takes the time to log into my journal, to read it...

I hate this all, I hate how I still love him even after he's acting like this, but I can't just pretend the [almost] 1 1/2 years we spent together never happened. I'll always love him, I just wish I could get past him... and maybe show him that he can't break me no matter what he does.
What do you think?
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muahhhh! [06 May 2004|09:50pm]

[ mood | cynical ]


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[01 May 2004|12:48am]

i just joined
im sorry i got drunk
and decided to join
ever get the feeling someone hasnt meant amuthning theyve said?
why does he cahnge his mind he doesnt think befor he does anything he just does it and i have to suffer
i wish i dint like him
if he'd have cheated on me, i could just hate him but what he sid was true
long distance is a whorefucking whore
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