Missa (fungusinmymilk) wrote in bitterandbroken,

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boys boys boys....

I met this guy and he was WONDERFUL!! We hung out a few times and it was great! Or at least I thought it was... I don't know what HE thought... I thought I had met the man of my dreams... I have very high standards and when I found out that he's not like other guys, I was so happy I wanted to cry! But I was waiting for the flaw.... Now this is where we're at:

about a month ago he picked me up and we went back to his house really late at night/early morning. I was there the night before and nothing happened and I was bit upset cuz I wanted to kiss him so bad... so I called him after he dropped me off and told him to come back so I could kiss him. and he did. :) So anyway... the next night when he picked me up he told me I had to stay longer than I did the night before. Pff fine with me!! :) so we got all cuddley and kissy kissy and it was great and I really thought it could be leading somewhere.... Well we hung out like a week after that at the mall and it was jus real breif because he had somewhere to go and I had to go to work. And he went on vacation shortly after... I decided I wasn't going to call him and bug him while he was on vacation. When he got back, he got online and we talked a little bit but it wasn't much... he didn't have much to say which was weird considering he had jus gotten back from a week of partying and chillin out. I assumed it was jus because he was tired...

Well he sent me a few text messages since then but they were all when I was asleep. Now he won't return my calls... This really hurts me because I thought he wasn't like all the other guys that was just going to use me and drop me. Turns out I was wrong. :( So I decided not to call him anymore. I tried... and if he wants to contact me/hang out or whatever, he has my number and he has not excuse not to call. I'm trying my hardest to stay strong... *sigh* I knew he was too good to be true.... :'(

On a lighter note, I talked to my ex last night and without going into too many details, the break up was really bad because we had been together for 16 months, and it was great, but it jus reached the point where I knew it could go back to the way it was. And I did stuff afterward to hurt him really bad and we didn't talk at all this summer. (broke up in april)

ME: in a way, I sort of miss you... not really as a boyfriend, but more of a friend jus being there because you were a really big part of my life, and a really big part of who I am now and we had a lot of good times together and it's jus weird that you're not there anymore.... ya know what I mean?
ME: and I know I have no one to blame but myself for you not being there anymroe
HIM: absolutely, i cant say i dont feel the same way too sometimes

HIM: the fact that you caused me a lot of pain dosent nessecarily mean i never wanted to talk to you again
HIM: for awhile, im sure
HIM: but as time went on i realised that there was no reason we shouldnt be friends
HIM: and there are things that make me think of you sometimes

ME: you know that song "anytime" by brian Mcknight?
ME: ....probably not, lol
HIM: i cant say that i do.
ME: well anyway I was thinking of that song (it's like... so early 90s, lol) one time when I was thinking about you and I downloaded it and listened to it over and over again and put the lyrics in my livejournal and had them in my profile for a while
ME: the chorus says "do I ever cross your mind... anytime?"
HIM: well now you can get an answer
HIM: and yes
ME: :-)
HIM: if you didnt talk to me i was thinking of calling you sometime
HIM: and just saying hi
HIM: but later
HIM: after we had both grown up more
ME: I don't know how many times I can tell you I'm sorry.... or how I can prove to you that I mean it... and I know that no matter what I say or do nothing will change the hurt that I caused you
ME: but I really do hope it makes you feel better knowing that I reallized the hole I dug myself into and I got what I deserved for it
HIM: well that means a lot
ME: I jus hope someday you'll find it in your heart to forgive me even though I probably don't deserve it.
HIM: i do forgive you, melissa.
ME: Thank you daniel....
ME: I can't tell you how that makes me feel

That's something he was always good at.... Making me cry tears of happiness. :)
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